The woman has gone and been even more perfect than usual and arranged tickets, flights & hotel for maybe the best gig ever.

Exodus

Overkill

Overkill & motherfuckin Exodus!

My gash is gonna be fully thrashed!

Gie us a shout if yer going!

you have pushed me to this hell
put this cancer in my head
raped my soul and vandalised my heart

now this conflict deep inside
my hate i can no longer hide
for today this end will have a start

tis a fucking choon, unfortunately thats the only video i can find for it.

Seen every band on the line up except Gama Bomb and they are all fucking amazing! Anyone up for a trek to London in Feb?

I’ve been thinking about this for a while now and I have a theory on how one would go about creating the most popular song ever.

Firstly, take all the information from the Billboard chart, the Top 40 etc. Then you turn that into a bunch of handy statistics. We could probably make  a Venn Diagram or calculate a Spearman’s rank correlation coefficient or something equally sexy. You could work out all the features of a number 1 song, i.e. Verse Chorus Bridge Solo Verse structure, groovy bassline, Nelly going ‘ey-yoh’  constantly in the background. You pick what works and build yourself a horrible mutant made up of the most popular elements of songs. Fuck you, Simon Cowell.

If we analyse the graph, a strange thing happens, Thrashtastic breakdowns happen very rarely in top 10 singles.

We could then compile the ultimate, scientifically most pop-tastic choon ever. We’d then need to get a slightly controversial video, run it on MTV til everyone is sick of it and make sure its never off the radio. We’d market it all to 12 yr old girls.

Unfortunately this would mean that it would only be bought by 12 year old girls seeing as they are the only people with a disposable income that isn’t spent on booze, drugs and prostitutes. This is because 12 yr old girls will buy anything thats marketed right and they’ll fuck just as you tell them to. So anyway, that’s how you’d make millions of pound in the music industry. If anyone’s wondering, this is almost totally ripped off from the South Park episode with Kevin/Gopherboy. Congratulations for reading this far.

To create the actual best song ever, you’d need a mix of technical brutallity of Carcass’s Heartwork album combined with the NWOBHM/Thrash sensibilites of Judas Priest’s Painkiller album.

If anyone’s created an album this perfect, give me a shout. That or if you’ve got a 12 yr old sister.

so Sweden Rock was a fucking blast last year

highlights included Priest, Poison, Carcass and waking up in jail

this year, so far the list for Sweden is as follows

• Heaven & Hell
• Lita Ford
• Forbidden
• Foreigner
• Motorhead
• Riot
• Europe
• Dream Theatre
• Volbeat

but Hellfest has gone and given me a tough decision

• Manowar
• Heaven & Hell
• Anthrax
• Sacred Reich
• The Misfits
• Destruction
• Napalm Death
• Gama Bomb
• Electric Wizard
• Gorgoroth

And I really wanna hit Metalcamp cause it sounds like the best thing since Crystal Meth.

Looks like I need to raise a shitload of cash and do all three.

I’ve been in a state of constant orgasm since Earache released the first Carcass reissue in April. They’ve all been repackaged in extremely sexy cases and come with some awesome shit!

Best thing has to be the 5 part Pathologist’s Report dvds which feature some excellent interviews with Bill Steer, Jeff Walker, Ken Owen and that other cunt.

Well, now Earache have been nice enough to send out a case for me to keep them all in and this makes me very happy.

Anyone who know’s me know’s how much i love it when a set of remasters/reissues makes up a gay wee picture when you buy them all (think Priest, Maiden, Megadeth) so getting to see Jeff’s cheeky wee face every day makes me fucking happy!

Anyway, if any of you are thinking about not buying the Carcass reissues, take a belt sander to your face. That is all.

the new kreator album, hordes of chaos

and it’s a fuckin belter! Kreator have been thrashin’ since 82 but it wasn’t til 05’s Enemy of God that they released their definitive album. Enemy of God came out of nowhere and still stands as my favorite album of all time.

Hordes of Chaos continues the trend by sticking to their roots as brutal thrash legends.

Kreator set the bar high in 05 and Hordes of Chaos isn’t as good as Enemy of God but it’s the best thrash album since Overkill’s 07 masterpeice, Immortalis.

Go pre-order this album now cause it’s gonna rape the shit out of you and leave you begging for more!

For example, just this morning she had no pubes or breasts.