it would be the one cause Anthrax were on fucking fire!

Bush is the motherfucking man!

Pic chored off the ever heavy http://www.thrashhits.com/

So John Bush is back for one night only and I’m going to see him. Here’s my prayer to the metal god (Halford) for this to be the setlist:

1. Indians
2. Got The Time
3. Antisocial
4. Death Rider
5. Black Lodge
6. Only
7. Safe Home

Encore

1. Armed & Dangerous
2. Madhouse

This would make me very fucking happy! I’d also sneak in a cheeky wee Cowboy Song seeing as Thin Lizzy aren’t playing

Anthrax + Bush reunion please be permanent

I’m still hoping for a full reunion with Bush so we can get a follow up to the fucking awesome We’ve Come For You All

here it is:

My top artists on Last.fm and Priest are in their rightful place at number 1. Plus it does an awesome flippy thing on each one. Last.fm, I love you again.

If you like your death metal brutal (with a U, not 2 0s you shandy cunts) then check out North Carolina’s filthiest pornogrind merchants Cesspool of Vermin. These guys are lyrical genius of the same level as Prince or Joe Elliot. Take Sodomizing The Elderly:

I slap her dentures out with my meat
Slam it deep in her crusted hole.
Blood it spews from hemorrhoids.
Balls deep in ancient ass.
Knocking the dust off the wrinkled cunt.
Use her walking cane as a sex toy.
Blow my load in her hair.
Use my spunk as denture cream.
Fondling her sagging breasts.
Forcing her to gum my rod.
Your grandma is now my sex slave.

Sheer lyrical perfection! The drumming is tight, riffs are shred-tastic and generally fuckin awesome.

Go buy their shit now and jam it as far up your gaping cunt as you can!

Sexiest Shirt Ever!

Women fucking love it

Day Two Woke up with another hangover but a couple of warm beers and we were in the mood for some thrashin’.

Gama Bomb rockin Clisson - Pic taken from Flickr

Gama Bomb kicked the day off in style with a blinder of a set. It might have been 11:30 but Ireland’s finest still pulled a good crowd. Good sing-a-long to OCP – “DICK JONES, DICK JONES!” was a perfect way to wake up! If there’s any justice in this world, these guys are gonna be as big as Exodus. Few more beers and we caught rising doom legends Grand Magus. I’ve caught these guys a few times and they just get better and better. Heavy chugging riffs & epic lyrics get another decent sized crowd going.

After 2 bands who are definitely on their way up, it was time for some bona-fide kings of death metal, Vader. God knows why they were on so early in the day but it seemed everyone at Hellfest had come to catch them. By the time we reached the tent, it was packed. Managed to get in and almost right to the front but couldn’t see a thing due to a shittily placed security barrier. Standing on tip-toes, managed to see a bit but gave up and just enjoyed the blasting brutality of Poland’s finest.

Exhaustion, laziness and too much beer meant I missed Skinless & Terror, which is a shame cause I’ve never caught the former and the latter’s live show is the closest I’ve ever come to dying in a pit, good times!

A few more beers and dodgy kebabs, then time for black comedy metal act Cradle of Filth who were as hilarious to watch as usual. They were followed by Clutch, a band that definitely know how to get a crowd going. They were joined by Wino of St. Vitus fame at the end of the set. Twas fuckin’ awesome!

The Misfits will never be the same as long as Jerry Only insists on singing and their whole set ran together with Only shouting “1,2″ before tearing into yet another indistinguishable track. Its a shame because I do love them and I’d love to see a Danzig reunion tour but its not happening any time soon.

Caught a few minutes of the last few bands but the only one I actually cared about seeing were Sacred Reich and they put in the best set of the festival by a long shot. One Nation, Independant, The American Way all thrashed our collective gashes. They were even joined by ex-drummer Dave McClain who now plays for mediocre nu-thrash outfit Machine Head, who’s set we didn’t bother with because other than Burn My Eyes, they’ve not done anything good. Surf Nicuragua resulted in a tent sized pit, and its a big fucking tent! Best band of the festival, undoubtably! Its great to see a band that have been going for 24 years and are still glad to be on stage. Every time I’ve seen them, they’ve been awesome, grateful and legendary.

Phil Rind thrashing Hellfest - Picture taken from Flickr

We headed back towards the camp site via the Terrorizer tent where Cro-Mags bass sound was bursting eardrums and destroying PAs. With that, we hit the camp site for unhealthy amounts of beer, pissing and abusing of non-Scottish people. The cunts had it coming!

All Day Fest

Lipid, Pitiful Reign, River Freshney, Lifeless, Visceral Attack, Aggressus, Circle of Tyrants and Necropolis will all be thrashing gashes and its gonna be a good day! Get down there, down some beers and thrash til death! Starts at 3pm, £5 on the door.

Ok so we’re back and just about recovered from Hellfest in Clisson, France and it was, in a word, FUCKINAWESOME!

Getting there was pretty easy. Flight from Edinburgh to Paris, few beers in the airport followed by a 3 hour train journey to Nantes, few beers in the station then taxi to the camp site. Got our tents set up and set off on a trek to find beer. Of course, France is a horrible godless country and their supermarkets and booze shops close before 8 so we had to go on a 3 mile trek to find a pub. Eventually we found one and proceeded to get hammered  in a picturesque wee square as the sun set. We then headed to McDonalds and devour Big Macs.

On return to the camp site, we found the camp site cocktail bar and drank til we couldn’t stand. Chris disappeared to go roll around in a field full of cow shit trying write “Mike is Gay” as a crop circle. He then managed to lose his phone and get shot at. That boy needs a carer.

Day One

Hellfest 2009 - photo not by me!

Next morning, we trekked back to the shops and bought as much beer as we could carry and headed back to down it. The whole festival site was pretty well organised but we still managed to get lost trying to find our way in to see bands. I blame hangovers, French signs and my refusal to ask for directions. Finally got into the festival area and caught a bit of God Forbid as we queued for the beer tokens. They sounded as boring and generic as usual. After that, we got some beers and watched a few minutes of Backyard Babies. I love glam metal and these guys are good at what they do but I’ve always felt they missed something. It was the same watching them again. Can’t put my finger on it but I just don’t enjoy them that much.

After that we headed into the Extreme Market to go spend all our cash on hundreds of tshirts. The market was pretty good, nowhere near as huge as Wacken’s but a good selection of exotic band merch. Ended up with a Toxic Holocaust tshirt and a Heaven & Hell one. The missus got a sexy W.A.S.P – Crimson Idol shirt too. We then hit up the main stages for Eyehategod who sounded amazing. A band I’ve always liked, was nice to finally see them. Misery Index were on next, clashing with Pentagram who we later found out were a no show. Apparently Bobby got thrown off a plane. The Index put on a good show and I’m glad we didn’t stand about waiting for Pentagram.

Voivod were absolutely amazing and were met with a massive pop from the crowd. Their Pink Floyd cover topped off an excellent set. Papa Roach followed. Last time I saw those guys was 2002 and I had a blast. Unfortunately they’ve decided to write new material since then which I only know as the music from WWE shows. There was a small crowd enjoying it but they had to start their own “Papa Roach, Papa Roach” chant. I was embarrassed for them.

Next band we caught were the mighty W.A.S.P. Blackie Lawless may have put on a few hundred stone but that doesn’t seem to have slowed him down. A set packed full of hits. Inside the Electric Circus, Wild Child, Chainsaw Charlie were all highlights. Missed Entombed but I’m glad I stayed for the whole W.A.S.P set because they were the best band of the first day.

Down’s set was neither as tragically bad as the first time I saw them, nor was it as tight and perfect as the second time. It fell squarely in the middle of average and whilst I’ve got no complaints, I felt the whole thing got a bit boring, sorry Phil.

Anthrax were on next so me & Sharpo headed right up front for the pit. I’m not sure how I’ve managed it but at the age of 24, I’d not seen them before. I still kick myself for missing both the final John Bush tour and the Joey Belladonna reunion tours. The set kicked off with a few classics and the pit was suitably insane. Indians, Got The Time, Caught In A Mosh, Madhouse, Antisocial if I recall correctly. Dan Nelson’s voice is excellent and his stage presence is good. Only complaint was the new song which I really didn’t get. Maybe on a few more listens.

Hellfest Sculptures at the bonfire

Following a decent set were the heavy metal titans that are Heaven & Hell. I saw them last year and they blew me away. I don’t understand how a band who’s collective age is 235 can be at the top of their game but they are. Their Hellfest set was a blinder. The new album is one of my favorite new releases this year and they played a good mix of old and new stuff.

Last band of the day for us were Motley Crue and they were without a doubt the most disappointing band of the whole festival. They came out to massive cheer and proceeded to slaughter every one of their classics as Vince fucked up every line. The only words he hit were the ones we know he can’t hit any more and the whole thing was almost definitely overdubbed. The missus had been looking forward to seeing these guys for years but 5 songs into the set, she had to leave because they were that bad. As we headed back to camp site, we heard Mick Mars mangle a Hendrix track, Tommy Lee’s usual “I say Tommy, you leave because we are so abysmal” chat.

Back at the camp site, we downed a few beers, nursed our sunburn, abused some foreigners and passed out.

Check back tomorrow for my review of day 2.

Photos are sourced from Flickr under Creative Commons License. Each one links to the original, if  you object to me using them, let me know and I’ll take them down.

Boston’s Ravage who have just signed to Metal Blade, a perfect mix of NWOBHM, Thrash and Power metal. Check em out on the ol’ myspace and get that gash thoroughly thrashed!

Ravage – Curse Of Heaven

Ravage – Nightcrawler (Judas Priest Cover)

Dreamer Deciever on the Old Grey Whistle Test in 1975

34 years ago.