London Metropolitan Police’s new counter-terrorism posters are a horrific mix of comedy and neo-facist propaganda. Next time I catch a terrorist stealing my empty washing up bottles, tins and pipe cleaners, I’m going to pat him on the back and encourage him to take out as many innocent school kids as he possibly can.

http://www.met.police.uk/campaigns/counter_terrorism/index.htm

These chemicals won’t be used in a bomb because a neighbour reported the dumped containers.

A bomb won’t go off here because weeks before a shopper reported someone studying the CCTV cameras.

here’s the new one … probably

He's black so he's probably up to something

not happy with ruining my entire childhood, this was on the Saturday Night Main Event DVD and ruined my life again. Fuck you, Koko B Ware

Friday night:

• Attica Rage
• Lycanthrope
• Ten Tonne Dozer

and the mighty

• Dog Fuckin Tired

are at the Ark. Dog Tired are always awesome live and Attica Rage have some beastly choons if you like your metal old school. Their debut album Ruin Nation is fucking sexy!

Then on Saturday at the GRV

Scotland’s filthiest party mongers, Certain Death are gonna be bringin’ the noise along with Exhibit A and My Minds Weapon.

So aye, cya there!

I’ve been thinking about this for a while now and I have a theory on how one would go about creating the most popular song ever.

Firstly, take all the information from the Billboard chart, the Top 40 etc. Then you turn that into a bunch of handy statistics. We could probably make  a Venn Diagram or calculate a Spearman’s rank correlation coefficient or something equally sexy. You could work out all the features of a number 1 song, i.e. Verse Chorus Bridge Solo Verse structure, groovy bassline, Nelly going ‘ey-yoh’  constantly in the background. You pick what works and build yourself a horrible mutant made up of the most popular elements of songs. Fuck you, Simon Cowell.

If we analyse the graph, a strange thing happens, Thrashtastic breakdowns happen very rarely in top 10 singles.

We could then compile the ultimate, scientifically most pop-tastic choon ever. We’d then need to get a slightly controversial video, run it on MTV til everyone is sick of it and make sure its never off the radio. We’d market it all to 12 yr old girls.

Unfortunately this would mean that it would only be bought by 12 year old girls seeing as they are the only people with a disposable income that isn’t spent on booze, drugs and prostitutes. This is because 12 yr old girls will buy anything thats marketed right and they’ll fuck just as you tell them to. So anyway, that’s how you’d make millions of pound in the music industry. If anyone’s wondering, this is almost totally ripped off from the South Park episode with Kevin/Gopherboy. Congratulations for reading this far.

To create the actual best song ever, you’d need a mix of technical brutallity of Carcass’s Heartwork album combined with the NWOBHM/Thrash sensibilites of Judas Priest’s Painkiller album.

If anyone’s created an album this perfect, give me a shout. That or if you’ve got a 12 yr old sister.

Aye so this my new blog site. Nae idea what i’ll use it for, probably just ranting, dumping crap and wasting your time and mine, so aye, enjoy.